


Before I Let You Go

by eastwoodgirl



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-26
Updated: 2014-05-26
Packaged: 2018-01-26 14:22:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1691453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eastwoodgirl/pseuds/eastwoodgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The moment I looked into his eyes, I knew I had to do something,before it was too late... I can't let him go, not now, not ever, not like this... not until he knows the truth. Companion fic to Look At Me. Read that first. One shot - complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Before I Let You Go

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I just couldn't leave it hanging. So, here's Harry's POV. Enjoy.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: Still. Not. Mine.
> 
> WARNING: If you haven't read Look At Me yet, now's the time to do so. As is with all of my works, this is Un-BETA-ed. All mistakes are mine. Please be gentle.

**010101010**

The moment I looked into his eyes, I knew I had to do something.

Under the early night spring sky, he lay in my arms like a broken marionette; his strings cut off, his eyes glazed over.

He did not say another word after he said my name, no matter how I beg him to.

' _Please, Harry,'_ His voice begged of me, as he lay there, bleeding. At first, I did not want to look at him. I saw the pain cross his eyes; It was but because I detest him, far from it. It was because I'd rather not see him so… so defeated, knowing that there was nothing I could do.

Fighting back my emotions, I lock my eyes with his –and was immediately drawn into a carefully crafted vignette of the last seven years.

Our last seven years.

After seeing my seventeen year-old self straight from his eyes, the memories ended. It seemed like a long time ago that I first saw those fathomless black eyes –as black as the starless night sky.

' _Professor'_  I call him, ask him to stay with me. I need more. So much more than a few spare memories… so much more than a few last moments. But he closes his eyes as if telling me there's nothing more to it.

No. It can't be.

I gently lift him in my arms, call him a few more times, beg him to explain to me, to tell me the truth. But I get nothing in return. He lays still, motionless. His heavy breathing, the only indication that he was still there.

I had to do something. Before it was too late.

' _Severus'_ I let those unfamiliar syllables escape ,y trembling lips; those I have long before wanted to say but cannot bring myself to. He stirs, but his eyes remain closed. His grip on my robes loosens.

' _Severus, please!'_  I call him a little louder, pleading. Maybe if only I could see his eyes once more, everything would be clearer –everything would fall into place.

He must have sensed the despair in my voice.

I see him struggle to open his eyes once more. And when he finally did, I saw.

It was the most beautiful thing.

The night sky was perfectly reflected in his obsidian orbs –every constellation, every detail, captured in those eyes. Eyes that saw everything, felt everything, knew everything there is about me.

I did not notice tears escape my own until I saw them pool on the hollows of his gentle but troubled face.

I can't let him go. Not now. Not ever.

I tighten my grip on him as his lids start to flutter. His breathing became more labored as those precious seconds ticked away.

Merlin, help me. I need to tell him. I need to tell him. He needs to know. He needs to understand, he – he needs to believe.

A million things came into my head: what I had to say, what I wanted him to realize. I feel him slowly slipping away from my grasp. I have never felt so much helplessness in my whole life than I did now.

What do I say to him that wouldn't seem so… contrived? Untrue? How do I tell him the story of my life, our lives in a few spare seconds? But as I see him drift away from me inch by painful inch, I know I wouldn't get to.

With shaking hands, I enveloped him in the warmest embrace; he will not leave the world not feeling, not hearing, not knowing.

' _I'm sorry…'_ For everything that life threw at you. For those who have hurt you and treated you unkindly. For what I have done and what I have failed to do. For not realizing and waiting until it's too late.

' _Thank you…'_ I whispered as I let my lips hover closer to his ear. For watching out for me. For believing in me. For making me feel like a normal person, not some jaded hero, who knew no mistakes. For teaching me that in life, it is our choices that define us, not our mistakes, not some prophecy, not public perception.

I feel him heave a heavy sigh. The tears in my eyes no longer held back, but flowed continuously, as if wanting to wash the pain and the guilt away.

I chance another glance at his eyes. I see life leave them as I utter the last words he will probably hear from me.

' _I love you… too.'_  I always have and always will.

I just hope against hope that I had said it in time.

I feel a gentle shake as I bury my face in his hair. I want to scream afterwards but I knew it was to be of no use as he could probably no longer hear me.

Maybe some other time, in some other universe, he would. But not here. Not now. I bury my face deeper, inhaling his scent, until I no longer knew, until I no longer felt.

By the time my tears stopped running, it was almost daybreak.

**010101010**

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Until next time!


End file.
